Archive for May, 2006

I am broken

Current mood:gloomy

The world is such a big place, so barren for so many people. Every day, every where I go, I close the doors behind me and so often lock them. That sort of makes me think, am I locking the world of possibilities out of my life? Is this really more than just locking physical doors behind me, is it more like a reflection of my personality, where I am afraid to let people in. I know I am afraid to let people in, but that is just because I am cautious, maybe too much so, what am I missing because I am so private. I know I am an intelligent person, and when people get to know me, I have yet to find someone who actually does not like me. I don’t know, I am a big nerd, but so many other things. Maybe I am just broken, beyond help. So be it.


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I See Dead People

Current mood:cheerful

I keep hearing people joke about the saying “I see dead people”. Well, I see dead people all the time, at least in my head. One was my best friend Ryan. I will never forget him, he was the greatest person, always about having fun, and all those around him had so much fun with him. I am glad I got to visit with him a week or so before he went on his final vacation. Yes, I see dead people, every day in my head and on, sure I am sad that he is not around, but I am still happy every time I see him. There are others, they know who they are, and I see them in my head all the time. I am glad to have known them, sad that they are gone, but happy that they had good lives to the end.

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The cat is broken, may he rest in peace

Current mood:sad

In a related note to my first blog, my cat at that time was broken.  He had some medical problems that could not be fixed, and I had the sad duty of signing the papers to have him put down.  I thank the people at the vet, they went way above the call of duty for my baby, but in the end, the only humane thing to do was let him rest, and put him down.

Yes, this has made me distant from everyone, at least for a while, so I could sort out the horrible feelings in my head, but I am ok now…..

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