Archive for September, 2006

Moving Forward…

Current mood:peaceful

I have not blogged for a while, well at least a blog that all of my friends can see.  Oh, and by the way, if you could not read my last blog, you can now, I switched it to be viewable by all friends.  I had it set to private for a while, for personal reasons.

To those that don’t know, I am single, and this is a good thing right now, because while I am single, I have much to learn, and many things to do.  Eventually a romantic relationship would be nice, and it is always welcome, but I am not looking to push the issue.  When the right person comes into my life, it will be great, but if I were to be on the hunt, I am sure I would find plenty of people, but none of them right for me, or at least so I have found.  I have also found new meaning in “take it slow”, and now can appreciate how truly important that really is.  Yeah, like I said, I have learned a lot, and still have a lot to learn.

I am happy right now.  I have been keeping myself busy and productive recently, and that really feels good.  I am accomplishing so many things, not wasting my time, and yet as I go, I am keeping a balance, so I do not over do anything.  I am working out many of my dreams, and aspirations.  Soon I will have some goals that I will blog about as I take the steps to turn my dreams into reality.  Many of them will be off a little, and need to be revised, but that is a normal part of the process when dealing with turning dreams into goals and finally into reality.  There is much strength in having written goals.

For anyone who I may not have talked to about the things going on with me right now, here is a little update.  By the end of next month (October), I will be all moved up to Everett, no longer living in Walla Walla.  The move is for several reasons, first it is for the friends I have abandoned so abruptly 7-8 years ago that still live up there.  Second, it is for my family, who I have lost touch with for so long.  Third, it is for school, I will be attending Shoreline CC in the winter, taking a Japanese language class.  Fourth, for my entire social life in general, which has been so hard to develop in Walla Walla by the simple hard set dynamics of the area.  There are other things like personal growth, spiritual growth, and the abundance of good people I can surround myself with that are also reasons, among others.

There are also other things going on in my life that are helping to bring about all of the many good changes I am going through.  The only way to describe it is like there is something laying out a path for me to take.  Options are being cut off, paths being removed, and behind me is a wave that can not be stopped, there is no stepping back.  Things are happening in a good way, this is not some sort of violent bad situation, unless I try and step back or stop moving forward.  Something is giving me the strength and energy to do so many things I have not had the drive to do in the many years past.  The direction is clear, the destination, not so much, but I am all for it.

Ok, got to get ready for work, so maybe I will blog some more later.

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My Name is Jonathan!

Current mood:blank

Have you ever met someone who has a chip on their shoulder?  Someone who you can only assume has been really hurt in the past, and still has not pulled themselves together and dealt with it?  It can be hard to talk to them sometimes, ok, allot of the time.

It is strange how a normal conversation can turn on you.  Simply saying that you know how to get to some place can some how turn into an insult to the person you are talking to.  Some how that can mean that you are saying they are stupid, or that you are trying to make them feel stupid.  You are thinking to yourself, What? huh? I am saying what? trying to make you feel…. umm did I miss something?  So you take a few steps back, and explain that you did not mean in any way to say that they were stupid, or to make them feel stupid.  I guess at this point it is too late.  If they don’t really know you, that is one thing, but if they have this chip on their shoulder from their past, and that drives them to feel negative about all guys, then you are in trouble, and should duck out right then, there is no saving yourself.  Everything you say is going to get the “uh huh” or “sure you did” types of response because all of a sudden any credibility you had went out the window as she flipped the switch in her head that turned you from being Jonathan, into you are now every guy, with no credibility, everything you say is a lie, and you are an asshole.  In essence, to her you are now a collective of bullshit that she has experienced with other guys in the past, and she will treat you with equal disdain.

All of this caught me off guard, I was not expecting it, nor have I had any military training that could possibly prepare me for this attack which soon turned personal.  I now believe that I should have quickly ducked out after my apology.  Now, know this, I am human, and after something like that, I was still being patient, and trying to be as understanding as possible.  But then it got personal.  After I tried to simply exit the conversation after a quick apology, saying I had some things to do, things got interesting.  She pulled me back saying she was on the phone, and followed it up with insult.  She said “Boys can be dense sometimes”, that followed by turning it into a full on stereotype “all guys are”.  Ok, you did get that I said I am human, well as a human, that really hacked off any patience I was having with her.  Needless to say, I should have gotten out right after the insults started flying.  The rest was short, not too pleasant, I am going to leave it at that.

A keg of gunpowder, me, and a person to fan the flames (though I don’t think she meant to), does not make a good night.  Being me, it kept me up most of the night bothering me.  I just have to write it down to get it out of my head, and to maybe make sense of it.  Some times you just have to let it go, because you can not always make sense out of everything.

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