Posts Tagged Walla Walla

Life is Simply Complex

Current mood:anxious

First I would like to say, love is so much more than just a choice, so so much more!  It is a feeling, it is an action, it is loyalty, it is based in truth, it is working through problems with a life long determination, never giving up.  Love is so many things, and for me it is a way of life.  Though I am not perfect, and in some ways, I am a hypocrite because I am not perfect.  But I do love, and I will spend my entire life growing in love, working toward showing agape love.  I pray that God strip me of my selfishness, my arrogance, my comparisons, and my feelings of superiority, because those have no place in a life of love.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.  I do however plan to always learn and grow, so that I might gain footing every day.  As the world and its values push back, with God, I have faith that I can grow.

Now that I got that out of the way, which was something that has been bothering me ever since I posted my first blog touching on what love is, I feel much better.  As I move forward in my relationship with Kathy, I am learning many new things, seeing myself in many new lights, and seeing how truly human I am.  I am weak at times, I am an empty shell of a man at other times.  As I move forward in love, my flaws seem to have bright spotlight on them, and now I can see so many things that I need to work through in order to grow.  Day after day, I am reminded of how Kathy will love me no matter what I approach her with.  I am filled with confidence in who God made her to be, and how through God, nothing is impossible to resolve.  It is not always easy, but what truly good things in life are easy.

I feel like I have finally woken up after 7 years of… I don’t know what, and for the last year or 2 I have been back and growing.  Not to say my 7 years in Walla Walla were a waste, they were not, I have made many friends, and seen how the world values things.  I have lived on my own, and I have lived with people.  I have been through so many different situations, I have seen the worst in people, and then I have been able to understand it.  I have been given the gift of forgiveness and have been able to let go of so many hurts in my past, not forgetting them, but they no longer have power over me and my actions and feelings today.  Enough of this tangent, I am here now, so now what?

Now what?  It is a little late for me to be asking myself that now isn’t it…  I am moving forward.  But still I feel the need to ask myself that question on a day to day basis.  In this life there are so many things to do, so many choices, which one do I make, and what steps do I want to take to get there.  What do I want?  I want a life of love, life foundation in God, and to make people laugh.  I also want to develop the talents God has gifted me with, like art, and to explore my love for music by actually learning a musical skill.  I want to build strong friendships with the people around me, and to treat everyone with a love that resembles the love God has for us.

My to do list is growing, and time is passing by, but not without me jumping on and doing as much as I can in the time I am given, and with the ability I have been gifted with.  Maybe I should start by doing the paperwork on my desk, and clearing all of that off.

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Moving Forward…

Current mood:peaceful

I have not blogged for a while, well at least a blog that all of my friends can see.  Oh, and by the way, if you could not read my last blog, you can now, I switched it to be viewable by all friends.  I had it set to private for a while, for personal reasons.

To those that don’t know, I am single, and this is a good thing right now, because while I am single, I have much to learn, and many things to do.  Eventually a romantic relationship would be nice, and it is always welcome, but I am not looking to push the issue.  When the right person comes into my life, it will be great, but if I were to be on the hunt, I am sure I would find plenty of people, but none of them right for me, or at least so I have found.  I have also found new meaning in “take it slow”, and now can appreciate how truly important that really is.  Yeah, like I said, I have learned a lot, and still have a lot to learn.

I am happy right now.  I have been keeping myself busy and productive recently, and that really feels good.  I am accomplishing so many things, not wasting my time, and yet as I go, I am keeping a balance, so I do not over do anything.  I am working out many of my dreams, and aspirations.  Soon I will have some goals that I will blog about as I take the steps to turn my dreams into reality.  Many of them will be off a little, and need to be revised, but that is a normal part of the process when dealing with turning dreams into goals and finally into reality.  There is much strength in having written goals.

For anyone who I may not have talked to about the things going on with me right now, here is a little update.  By the end of next month (October), I will be all moved up to Everett, no longer living in Walla Walla.  The move is for several reasons, first it is for the friends I have abandoned so abruptly 7-8 years ago that still live up there.  Second, it is for my family, who I have lost touch with for so long.  Third, it is for school, I will be attending Shoreline CC in the winter, taking a Japanese language class.  Fourth, for my entire social life in general, which has been so hard to develop in Walla Walla by the simple hard set dynamics of the area.  There are other things like personal growth, spiritual growth, and the abundance of good people I can surround myself with that are also reasons, among others.

There are also other things going on in my life that are helping to bring about all of the many good changes I am going through.  The only way to describe it is like there is something laying out a path for me to take.  Options are being cut off, paths being removed, and behind me is a wave that can not be stopped, there is no stepping back.  Things are happening in a good way, this is not some sort of violent bad situation, unless I try and step back or stop moving forward.  Something is giving me the strength and energy to do so many things I have not had the drive to do in the many years past.  The direction is clear, the destination, not so much, but I am all for it.

Ok, got to get ready for work, so maybe I will blog some more later.

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Random Stuff, Too Tired To Be Coherent

Current mood:tired

Well, I made it back to Walla Walla in one piece.  My Jeep ran perfect, not a single problem.  I managed to get some offroading in on the way up to Seattle, I stopped by the Beverly dunes and went jumping around the bushes and sand, seeing what it could do.  I only put like 15-20 minutes in at Beverly because it was getting late.  I got up this morning at 3am, and after getting gas, I was on the road by 3:30am.  The roads were clear for the most part, but there were clumps of slow people along the way, so I made it to work by 7:40am.  I am a bit tired.

Sorry, no rants today, just a normal blog.  I am half asleep, so what can you expect really?  I will rant some other time.  I have put up enough of my feelings, points of view, and other stuff to last a while, ok, maybe not for long.

The wedding was perfect, everything was great.  I managed to visit with almost all of my friends in the area this trip.  I gained a sister-in-law, someone I have already considered to be like a sister to me.  Yesterday, I was able to wish the new married couple a safe and fun cruise up to Alaska.

Oh, yeah, through a fair amount of effort on my mother’s part, I met someone (ever so briefly) at church and lunch after the service.  From the description, she sounded like a nice person, but I had no idea what to expect.  I was impressed, she seemed really nice and as strange as it may seem to at least me, there were many things that we had in common.  I can’t say much more than that, because we did not have much of a chance to talk, but I think I might have another person that would be fun to hang out with when I come up there.  I have been looking for like minded people that would like to go out and do things that are not bar or drinking oriented for a couple months now, and though I have had little luck over here in Walla Walla, I am very pleased to know that there are actually others that are looking for the same thing.  Ahh, there is hope.

I will be moving up to the Seattle area sometime, I have been planning it for many years now.  Perhaps the time is drawing near.  Today I spoke with the Japanese professor at Whitman, and he was fairly insistent that the cost of taking the Japanese class would be more than nominal.  That got me thinking about alternatives.  I have yet to check with the WWCC to see if they teach the Japanese language, so that might be a possibility, but that may be another selling point for me to move up to the Seattle area.  I have so many of my friends up there that I have all but severed ties with by moving down here to Walla Walla.  Every time I go up and visit, I realize that I miss them, and maybe moving down here for so long has hurt me socially.  I do have a much stronger sense of who I am, and what it is like to be on my own, and so many other things, but socially, things have been hard.  I love the few friends that have stayed in Walla Walla, but I feel like a fish out of water here, and I realize it every time I head up to visit.  This is not a “the grass is always greener” type of situation, I am weighing the good and the bad of all aspects of moving up there.  I do have some things I have to finish up down here, and some things to arrange with work, but I will have that taken care of in however much time I feel is appropriate.  From time to time this feeling of being “lost without a way to go” creeps up on me, but I have a direction now (more than just moving), even though I do not know where exactly it leads, I do know who it is that leads me, and that is enough.

I almost felt a rant coming on, but the feeling was lost.  Perhaps later.

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