Current mood:tired

I pride myself on being good natured, a loving person who helps others, never putting them down, trying to tip the balance towards good in what ever way I can.  Yet I am tormented, somehow I continually find myself tripping over these people that seem to want to twist and pervert my intentions, my actions are some how contorted into insults in their eyes.  My good intentions are looked at as if they were backed by malice or some dark force that I keep hidden from prying eyes.

I meet good people every day, so many, yet somehow interaction with them seems minimal.  Is this self inflicted, do I actually search out these conflicting personalities to torture myself for some deep seeded self loathing.  I pray that this is not the case.  I keep checking with people around me to make sure that I am not mad, not the crazy person looking in on normal reality and calling it madness.

Perhaps I just need to put more effort in filling my life with those good people that can see me as who I hope I am.  In the meantime, perhaps now I can sleep.  If nothing else, this adversity will help bring out some sort of artistic side of me, and will keep the challenge in my life.